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Happiness is often confused with perfection; it is seen as a smoothness in external events where everything that you like and love about life remains precisely abundant. The problem with perfection is that it is mythical, it is an imaginary pathway that, with enough time, will lead back to sorrow. Being attached to perfection is not only a refusal to accept the ups and downs of reality, but also a manifestation of the craving to control. Life is not a straight and unbreakable line, it is choppy, unpredictable, and is more similar to waves and the movement of tides. And much of it is out of our control. Giving external events a high degree of importance over how you feel inside will lead you far away from happiness.
Happiness is also confused with the sensation of pleasure. Whenever we come in contact with something agreeable, a subtle pleasant sensation will move through the body and we react to it with craving. The problem with pleasure is that it quickly becomes an endless chase, where we keep trying to place ourselves in situations that give us the feelings we are attached to. The unpopular truth is that the unbalanced pursuit of pleasure is a pathway that leads to dissatisfaction and sorrow. Pleasure is so fleeting that it is not reliable enough to have it be the center of our lives.
Solely seeking pleasure or perfection does not make for a fulfilling existence, it actually creates the conditions for superficial interactions, and it functions as a barrier that can stop you from getting to know every part of yourself. If your attachment to pleasure is very high, then you will have a hard time sitting with the hurt/traumatized parts of yourself. Being attached to perfection or pleasure can limit your ability to be vulnerable with yourself and other people, because you'd rather be immersed in something that is pleasant. Anything pleasant is incredibly temporary, which will leave you with an unquenchable thirst for more.
Healing yourself is an opening to true happiness. Letting go of the mental burdens that you carry from the past will help your mind become clearer and more aligned with the natural flow of life. Often the hurt that weighs you down functions as a wall that stops you from fully engaging with the present moment. Unprocessed hurt also limits the flow of compassion because too much of our energy is focused on surviving one day at a time – this directly hinders the ability to deepen interpersonal connections. The happiness that is derived from being able to exist peacefully in the present moment is a quality that needs to be intentionally developed. Happiness does not just happen, you need to tend to your inner garden, remove the weeds and plant the right seeds.
Happiness is a product of equanimity, meaning mental balance and the ability to be calmly objective. From this space of clarity and composure, the real essence of happiness can develop, which is inner peace. A type of peace that is not controlled or defined by external events, one that can move with the waves of life without getting overwhelmed or tossed around. Happiness can multiply and enhance the finer mental qualities that make life beautiful, like being able to love yourself and other people or being able to see more perspectives than just your own. At its core, happiness is accepting reality and appreciating the miracle of the moment without getting lost in craving for more.
Temporary Sale: 27% off Clarity & Connection
Clarity & Connection is 27% off the original price on Amazon.
I wish I could tell you when the sale will be over, but I don’t control the online prices.
You can get a copy of Clarity & Connection through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop, Book Depository for international orders, and at your local bookstore.
My first book Inward is currently 20% off the original price.
Journal Prompt:
Are you in the habit of trying to control everything around you? What are some ways you can relinquish control and more easily flow with the ups and downs of life? How do you push yourself beyond your old limits? Have you noticed more peace and true happiness in your life since beginning your healing journey?
Links:
Clarity & Connection USA (27% off the original price)
Clarity & Connection Barnes & Noble
Clarity & Connection in Spanish (New)
Clarity & Connection Local Bookstores
Inward (20% off the original price)