Some of the hardest moments in life are when you have to decide whether the relationship you are in is right for you. Knowing if or when to break up can be so challenging because the advice you get from the people in your life who you trust is simply just a perspective you take into consideration. The ultimate decision is one that you need to make for yourself because only you know the intricate aspects of the relationship and you are the one who can feel the truth of your heart. Those outside of the relationship can only get a glimpse, they will never have the direct experience of the issues and challenges that you and your partner are facing.
Breaking up is a life changing moment. It is a time when you decide to overhaul a big portion of your life and start fresh. It is not a decision that is made lightly. Every relationship is so unique, they are each their own world, one is never exactly the same as another. This uniqueness means that each break up has its own set of causes. To make such a big decision requires moments of serious introspection so that you can be sure that your decision is aligned with what is best for you.
Here are 5 things to consider to help you think through your decision:
When the discord is relentless and unending. If it always feels like there is no harmony or joy in your relationship, then something is really off. Relationships are never going to be perfect, they always have their ups and downs. The difference here is if it consistently feels like you are moving from one down moment to another. When joy and happiness feel scarce and hard to come by it will be difficult to genuinely feel safe or at home in a relationship. Love comes with its challenges, but it should also come with a feeling of upliftment, deep connection, and empowerment.
When your intuition is persistently telling you that this is not the right match for you. Intuition usually arrives as a feeling and it will continue arising until you follow its guidance or until you fully suppress it. Intuition is our inner compass, it helps us live a life of learning and fulfillment. If it repeatedly feels like this relationship is not for you, then this is something worth considering. This may even happen when someone seems like a good partner, but they may not be the right one for you.
When they no longer feel right in your arms. The body sometimes knows before the mind does. When your body no longer wants to be close to theirs, this is a signal that needs to be considered. Even for two people who love each other but are not very affectionate, there will still be a sense of comfort and correctness while they are in each other’s presence.
When growth and evolution are not a priority. A lot of relationships go through tough moments where one or both partners realize that they need to change their actions to help support the harmony of the relationship. Relationships shine a mirror on each individual and show the ways that they need to grow. The struggle comes when one or both partners makes little or no effort to evolve. If the relationship feels like a constant storm and no one is trying to make things better, then you might have gone as far as you can go with this partnership.
When you can’t be vulnerable with them. Someone who loves you should be very interested in your emotions and should be excited to get to know more about you, even if you are unveiling the hard parts of your story. Vulnerability creates closeness and without it you two will remain far away from each other. If your partner is not open to your vulnerability, if you feel like you can’t share your truth with them, then it will not be possible to feel at home with them. It can feel quite lonely when your partner does not want to hear about your emotions.
Before you can make a full decision about whether to break up or not you first need to make sure that you are not throwing away a good relationship because you are craving a perfect one. Craving has an insidious and potent effect on the mind, it will make you look at the life you have and make it seem insufficient.
Craving is a hunger that can never be quenched. When you fall under the influence of craving it can make you think that your partner is not enough when in reality, they are a fantastic person. Craving loves to combine itself with the attachment to perfection. It will make you chase a perfect life, but the danger here is that you may end up throwing away a life that others would dream for just so that you can seek perfection.
Before you decide to break up, make sure that your mind is arriving at a conclusion from a balanced place. Trying to find a new partner that is just a little bit better may be a mistake. Ultimately, only you know whether your decision is borne from craving or from a genuine need to start a new life that is undoubtedly better for you.
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Podcast:
Went really deep into what it was like meditating for 45 days. Loved this convo with my good friend Cory. If you are interested in Buddhist styles of meditation or serious meditation in general, this one is worth a listen!
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Your private world stood as the world came to a halt. A pandemic. Everything stopped. You stopped and everything you have been denying hits with an undeniable force as you're standing still. Now you know that you have to walk away from everything that you hoped would be, everything you tried to create. Walking away alone and without support. But you have to, you have to fight yourself this once. So, you walk away from him and from them. What followed showed you who he really was. The mask is now completely off. What followed was damage that surpassed the damage that you endured during it all. What followed was your spirit being broken. What followed turned you cold, fearful and distrustful. What followed was self blame for not walking away when you stopped being able to answer in the affirmative to the above reflection. What followed was an ending attempt to find the warmth that once resided in your heart, now dimmed by this dark soul destroying experience. What followed was a permanent sorrow so pure and complete that joy hasn't been able to break through since. What followed was incessantly and relentlessly asking what if, if only I did, if I could go back in time, if...
What now needs to follow is healing and that feels like the toughest battle yet.
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Good post to come across on this full moon in Scorpio 🌕🦂