The Trouble with Using Others as a Means of Escape
When you can’t handle your own pain or the turbulence of your emotions, it is easy to fall into a cycle where you use others as a means of escape. Spending time with others as a way to avoid yourself is a common pattern when the hurt feels too heavy to carry, or when you have not yet found a clear healing method that works for you. Sometimes avoiding yourself is an unconscious pattern, we focus so much on what is outside of us that we do not have the self-awareness needed to see what is motivating our behavior.
A deep attachment to pleasure is common when we don’t know how to manage our own pain. If our past feels overwhelming or our pattern of avoidance is deeply rooted, it becomes easy to fall into unhealthy habits that chase after the sensation of pleasure. A deep attachment to pleasure can produce a heavily self-centered frame of mind.
This idea should not be taken to an extreme, being in community can be very healing and human beings are naturally interdependent. What should be watched out for is the constant avoidance of solitude and the constant pursuit of pleasure to avoid acknowledging your own pain. There is also nothing wrong with having a friend help you take your mind off of something that is too heavy to process at the moment, but a clear sign of being disconnected from yourself is when too many of your relationships are driven by your need to dodge your tension.
The act of running away from yourself has clear consequences in your relationships. If you do not know yourself well, it will be hard to deeply love and understand those around you. If you cannot meet yourself in total honesty, it will be difficult to hold space and go deep with others. If you do not have compassion for yourself, it will be hard to treat others well.
Relationships that are solely based around excitement, pleasure and seeking the next thrill tend to be pretty surface level. Full spectrum connections have space for enjoyment, deep discussions, and truth sharing – they have a foundation of patience where each person is willing to truly listen. There is nothing wrong with having fun, but solely living for fun will leave you feeling empty.
A common thread for many once they started building self-awareness is that they see how surface level and superficial a lot of their relationships were. A process of intuitive analysis starts where you see which relationships you should bring more energy into and which ones you need to let go. As your inner light starts shining brighter, your circle of connections sometimes becomes smaller, but you feel prepared to bring more intentional presence into each interaction.
When you start journeying through your own inner forest, self-awareness is activated and the door to wisdom opens up, the unbinding of old layers propels your evolution. The fact that you are no longer a stranger to yourself helps you make your connections richer and more mutually fulfilling.
Clarity & Connection:
My new book is finally available! You can get a copy at your local bookstore or through various places online. Amazon is currently having a significant sale, you can buy Clarity & Connection there for only $10.90, which is the lowest price out there. These sales appear randomly and disappear fast. I wish I could tell you how long the sale will last, but I don’t control the online prices.
Amazon is currently restocking its supply of Clarity & Connection, if you don’t mind waiting for a few extra days and want the sale, it’s a good place to get the book. If you want your book sooner, check out Bookshop online (they support local bookstores) and Barnes & Noble online. For international orders, check out Book Depository.
It has been amazing seeing the responses of people who preordered copies! All the stories and excitement around the book has been quite inspiring. Seeing Clarity & Connection in your hands feels surreal. Your support and encouragement have been critical to me becoming an author. Thank you for joining me on this writing adventure and for taking your own inner work seriously.
Journal Prompt:
Was there a period in your life where you got caught up in the pattern of trying to escape turbulent emotions? What was it that inspired you to build self-awareness? Are there specific relationships in your life that have gone from being surface level to developing a new depth? How has being intentionally present changed your interactions?
Links:
Clarity & Connection USA (36% off, lowest price online)
Clarity & Connection Barnes & Noble