The Power of Humility
5 irreplaceable lessons from 9 years of marriage
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Early Review:
"A treatise on real love, inspiring us to double down on practices of self-reflection and growth as a means to elevate our relationships and our entire lives." - Elena Brower
5 Irreplaceable Lessons From 9 Years of Marriage
1. The main thing all relationships need is balance. Both people should be giving and receiving. If one person is doing all the emotional heavy lifting, all the forgiving, all the problem-solving and leading, then things will start to turn sideways for the relationship.
You both should feel like equals in the relationship. Even though you both have different strengths and preferences, you should both feel that your power is helping design the culture of what love looks like in your home. You are both leaders in your relationship, even if that leadership looks different for each of you.
2. If you are ever in doubt about how to love your partner better, just ask. Do not measure yourself by the other couples you know. The way your love is shaped is unique and that’s what makes it so special.
You have to make the way you love each other your own, because you and your partner cannot be duplicated. Leaning on communication is one of the best ways to not jump into conclusions. Asking questions is an essential way to help each other feel seen.
3. Humility helps the ego not become an overconsuming aspect of your mind. Humility is what helps you see beyond your own perspective, and it helps you see that you are not always right. Having the humility to admit there is room for improvement and to act on that with self-development is one of the most beautiful aspects of character that a human being can have.
It takes a lot of strength to remain malleable and adaptive. Especially when fear and old hurt want you to become hard and rigid, you intentionally choose softness because only through the strength of softness can you change your form. Seeing the ways you can grow and acting on them is necessary when you want to share quality years and decades with the one you love.
4. You need humility to see beyond your own perspective, but you also need compassion to be able to fully understand and relate to what your partner is going through. Compassion is an act of selflessness that helps the two of you come closer together. Compassion is actually a practice in letting go; you are momentarily forgoing your view of how things happen to be able to step into your partner’s shoes and see things from their viewpoint.
Having this wider sense of perspective can help you forgive more easily and it can help you understand where tough emotions are coming from. Compassion does not mean you become a people pleaser or that you are allowing your partner to step all over you. Compassion has to work both ways, you need to have it for yourself and for your partner.
5. Meet your partner again and again. Throughout the length of your relationship, you and your partner will continue flowing along the forward river of time, which means who you were when you first met will be long gone and what you will actually have of each other is the person right in front of you.
Who you once were together is a memory that can give you a sense of who your partner is, but it cannot paint the entirety of the picture. To really see your partner, you will have to observe them in the present moment. Getting to know who your partner is now requires more than the regular day-to-day communication, it takes going deeper.
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Love your writing and perspective.
James and I sitting here reading to one another and drinking in the wisdom here. Thank you.