The 3 Pillars of Happiness
Inner peace, contentment, and access to joy
My new book How to Love Better is now available! You can get a copy at your local bookstore, Target, and Barnes & Noble! It is also temporarily 33% off on Amazon.
5 Star Review: “This book is incredible. Everything you would want in this topic and told with clarity and purpose. Highly recommend!” - Paul
Special event for those who ordered my new book: Join my ask me anything so we can go over my new book together!
The 3 Pillars of Happiness
True happiness is much deeper than the fleeting rush of pleasant sensations and it isn’t getting everything you want. Craving has a powerful pull on the mind and will confuse it into thinking that the fulfillment of craving and happiness are one, but that is a grave mistake that leads to increasing amounts of mental tension and suffering. Filling yourself with everything you crave only makes the mind heavier, not happier.
Happiness is less about your external environment and more about your mental state. Happiness emanates from an inner stability that is cultivated intentionally. Happiness is what arises when the mind is dealing with life and coming to conclusions from a place of mental balance. Even though it is unpopular to say, happiness requires mental training.
The mind is a series of patterns that come together through repetition. If the mind remains unaware of itself, then the past will repeat itself endlessly and craving and aversion will dominate your perspective. If the mind becomes aware, the possibilities that you see will increase and you will no longer immediately yield to the impulsiveness of the past.
Training the mind to slow down, see more, and choose compassion over ego will open the door to happiness.
Even though happiness is personal, there are three pillars that can give you a sense of how much happiness is flowing in your mind.
1. Inner Peace. Being able to have ownership over your energy, where you are not getting sucked into the tumultuous energy of other people, is a sign of great inner balance. All energy is an invitation and when you are next to someone who is feeling something strongly, that can activate a similar feeling within you. But you always have a choice, you can have empathy without becoming what you are observing in another. Having this stability where you are not reacting to everything you are feeling is the essence of inner peace.
Being able to witness the world without reacting or attaching yourself to everything that’s happening will help your mind be calm. Chaotic moments are inevitable and challenges will appear but even when things are hard your inner stability helps you maintain a clear mind so you can deal with things skillfully.
Happiness is not possible without inner peace, the two are inseparable in the same way the tides need the moon. As your inner peace increases, happiness becomes more pervasive in your mind.
Inner peace can separate goals from cravings. It is natural to put your energy into goals and to have desires, but inner peace helps you work skillfully towards building a good life for yourself and the ones you are responsible for without causing yourself immense stress and tension in the process. With inner peace, you can see when something is worth achieving without making your happiness dependent on a future outcome.
2. Contentment. In this sense, contentment is what you feel when you have actively designed your life and have created an environment that you find nurturing. Contentment is when you like what you do and when you enjoy who you are around.
Two things are true: life is finite, and you can control very little. When you have the peace to accept these truths it inspires you to reclaim your power. Instead of living passively, you lean into the fact that you can absolutely control your own actions, and you focus your energy into making a beautiful life for yourself.
You not only find work, hobbies, and activities that call to your intuition and reinforce your purpose, but you start connecting with more people who are calming to your nervous system. Community is one of the most precious parts of life, being around people who welcome vulnerability and who are easy to laugh with will amplify happiness.
Contentment is also when you feel satisfied easily, this is only possibly when inner peace calms the mind so that you are not constantly craving for more.
3. Access to Joy. You can appreciate the beautiful moments but also understand that life is not meant to be a constant stream of excitement. Access to joy simply means that your perception is no longer influenced by your past or mental heaviness, which allows the beauty of life to awaken joy in you.
The inner peace you cultivated helps you stay open to the vibrancy that is all around you. When you are around someone you care about, you have presence. When you witness the beauty of nature, you feel a sense of awe. Having access to joy means that you are not taking everything for granted, you realize that life itself is a special opportunity.
Joy is when you let special moments elevate your experience without clinging or wanting what you enjoy to last forever. Access to joy is appreciating the magnificence of the temporary. It is easier to delight in the joy of a moment when you are moving through life with a mindset of gratitude that does not take small miracles for granted.
Happiness is when your inner peace helps you design a life that feels nourishing and when you can access joy whenever vibrant moments appear.
Happiness is not a state of perfection, it is calming the mind enough so that it can see the magic in life.
You can read a lot more about this topic in my new book How to Love Better. It is temporarily 33% off on Amazon.
Podcasts:
Here are some of the great convos I’ve had recently!
Favorite Posts:
I really appreciate you !! I am reading your book and sharing it with my clients.