Story: How I Started Writing

It took a lot of courage to leave Boston, as both my partner and I had jobs there, but we both felt that our time there was up. Boston didn’t have the same opportunity for career growth or community support we were looking for. We had to take the classic risk of leaving something good for the chance at something better. When we arrived in New York this time, it felt as if all the doors were opening up. It felt as if the city were receiving us with open arms. For the first month we stayed in a room at Shin’s apartment, and by the second month we had found our own apartment in Crown Heights.

Sara was very fortunate that within a few weeks she found a job through a friend that was much better than her previous job, in both pay and fit. I was looking for jobs at the same time, and while I knew something would eventually align, my intuition struck again, this time with even stronger force. I felt a continuation of its original message, but now that I was in New York City, my intuition stated clearly that it wanted me to focus on writing. There may be moments when your intuition tells you something but you are too afraid to hear it. And that is OK. Just don’t forget the message. Return to it when you feel ready. I had felt this call about a year before, but at the time I had not taken it seriously. It felt real and strong but also too different and new to me. This time it hit like lightning. I could feel that if I focused on writing now, it could be a good way to serve. I was already so impressed that healing was possible, and I wanted other people to know that it was available to them, too. They didn’t need to do what I did, but, if they found their own way and methods, they could alleviate the tension in their mind and cultivate a better life.

To be honest, at first I was scared about what this would mean for our financial security, and I also felt uncomfortable about putting all this on Sara. Neither one of us comes from a wealthy family, and we were still very much living paycheck to paycheck. For days I wondered if pursuing a writing career was a real possibility. In fact, the idea of writing was so deeply covered up by thick conditioning that it had only revealed itself once I started meditating. It was a surprise when it came up to the surface. Eventually, after looking for jobs for a while, I gathered the courage to speak to Sara and bring her in to what I was considering. I asked her if she could give me some time to work on writing to figure out whether or not I could really do this.

I remember being so scared having that conversation with her, and while she definitely felt hesitation, she listened and agreed to give me a chance. I shared her nervousness as I was far from confident that I could make a career from writing. I had virtually no experience outside of essays for high school and college, but my intuition was very clear that it wanted me to spend time practicing, to spend time reading not just for pleasure but with an eye to learning the craft and to developing a voice of my own.

My Instagram account felt like a natural writing outlet. Being able to receive immediate feedback on the essays and small poems I was sharing helped me hone my writing so that I could reach people better. It was a long process, and most of that time I felt that I was failing. I was full of doubt and worried that I was messing up my chance at having a more traditional career, but I was determined to stick it out. For the next two years I spent a lot of time alone in our apartment, working on writing and focusing on finding my voice. Slowly, more and more people began reading and following me online. I was surprised and grateful that my words were resonating with readers. At a certain point, I felt confident enough to release a self-published version of my first book, Inward, and soon it was picked up by a publisher and distributed around the world. It feels like a miracle to this day, and I still find it hard to believe that taking that huge leap into writing actually worked. It would not have been possible if I had not had the courage to listen to my intuition. Even though I had nothing when I started, my intuition helped me build a vision and get on the right path.

The beauty of intuition is that, if you listen, it will push you to grow. In my experience, following what was clear in my gut made me address deeper and deeper levels of fear. It also pushed me to finally address my aversion to accepting help from loved ones. It taught me to have faith in the process, even though the plan was not crystal clear. Becoming a writer was always second to my personal growth and I had to realize that again and again as I was honing my written voice. Personal growth allowed me to discover this side of myself and it helped me access my creativity. This, in turn, helped me see that healing should always be my top priority. My creative ventures should come second because if my growth doesn’t take precedence then all the work I do will be weakened by my loss of focus.

This is an excerpt from my new book Lighter. It is temporarily 34% off.

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Podcast:

I recently had a conversation with Steven Bartlett and it is honestly the most open I have felt in any interview ever. We went deep into personal healing, rock bottom moments, relationships, how to be the most productive and best version of yourself, and we talked about what keeps us inspired. I hope this one serves you well. His team made a trailer of the interview that you can watch here:

You can listen to the entire interview here: