Reaction, Healing, and Patience in Relationships
The biggest obstacle that we all have to overcome to experience inner peace is our own reaction. It is easy to think that things outside of you are causing you mental pain and turbulence, but when you develop your self-awareness you start to see that what is driving the intensity in your mind is actually the relationship between your perception and your reaction. The way you perceive things influences how you feel, and you then end up reacting to what you are feeling. How deeply and how loudly you react is indicative of how attached you are. Even though all of this happens within your mind, it is still smart to tend to the garden of your life by making sure that you allow good people into your inner circle, that you aspire to things that are wholesome, and that you generally remove toxic elements from your life. Even so, it is not possible to create a life that does not have challenges; the spontaneous movement of impermanence will ensure that our external environment will never be permanently pleasant. Even with the ups and downs, it is still possible to have a beautiful life, but that can only happen if you reclaim your power by recognizing that your biggest influence on your mindset is your own reaction.
Being miserable is going out of style. Healing is a space that more people are entering because they are tired of carrying the weight of the past and are ready to unbind old conditioning that places limits on their happiness. People all over the world are actively finding ways to heal themselves in much greater numbers than in past generations. The work of letting go does not feel as mysterious as it used to, because therapists and meditation techniques can now clearly walk you through the process. We have much further to go in regard to accessibility, but it is undeniable that healing tools are now available to greater numbers of people. Even though the time we live in feels so daunting with all of the massive issues that humanity faces, this is one area that can actually give us hope. The healing of the individual will spark greater and more harmonious waves of change. When people clear their minds of old hurt, they become more creative, more compassionate, and they feel a new vibrant energy. This does not just stay with them, they radiate this goodness outward through their actions. Minds that are in the midst of healing will be able to consider old problems and arrive at new solutions. Our greatest asset in transforming the world and uplifting human dignity is healing ourselves so deeply that we become unwilling to harm others directly or indirectly.
The unpopular truth is that building harmony in a relationship takes time. As soon as both people begin their inner work, it does not immediately make the relationship better because self-awareness does not mature overnight. Holding the container of your relationship while also having the courage to face the things that you were previously running away from may feel quite challenging. The benefit of healing together is that you have someone who you are practicing being vulnerable with. Being able to share your emotional history with each other and building healthy habits together will bring your love to new depths. Having your partner also be your healing comrade is an incredible gift, because you can take turns holding space for each other when letting go is tough and when heavy emotions are passing through you. Together, you can learn the importance of communicating where you are on your emotional barometer; letting each other know when you feel heavy emotions can prevent unnecessary arguments or illogical blaming. You don’t expect each other to be perfect, but you do strive to be honest with each other. You don’t expect the healing to be quick, but you do commit to being there for each other when the healing is messy. You don’t expect that there should be no more arguments when the healing starts, but you do try your best to appreciate each other’s perspective as a way to understand one other and find a middle path you both feel good about.
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What is one of your most prominent ways to react? i.e. with anger, agitation, sadness, etc. What is your process for dealing with your intense reactions? How has your healing enhanced your compassion for yourself and others? What do you do to bring harmony into your relationship or friendships?
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