People Pleasing and Slow Progress
Three Thoughts:
Every day does not need to be a huge win for it to be a step forward. Especially when it comes to your personal growth, you cannot allow the fast pace of society that seeks immediate results to warp your perception of your healing journey. Society glamorizes large victories and huge leaps, but it does not highlight the small daily actions that make long-term success possible. Slow progress is actually the way to get to a better life. Slowly building self-love and self-awareness will help you construct a sturdy home within yourself. Inner work that is done too quickly stands the risk of producing superficial results. Healing is not a race and it certainly does not have time limits, in fact, it is so full of ups and downs that the attachment to big results and linear growth will cause your mind to fill with tension. Adopt the mindset of an explorer; healing is the discovery of new spaces within you, realms that were once ignored, areas that are newly flourishing – to be able to traverse all that is you will require patience. Let your healing move organically.
Are you saying yes to the point where it causes you to feel exhausted and out of balance? People pleasing does not bring security, it actually feeds your anxiety and hurts your long-term priorities. Loving yourself is saying no often and making sure you are properly nourished. People pleasing and being kind are not the same thing. You can be kind and still have proper boundaries so that you do not deplete yourself simply because you fear disappointing people. It is obviously good to help others when you can, but you also need to make sure that your energy is going to your highest goals and to maintaining your well-being. People pleasing can push you to the edge, drain your mental energy, and put you in a loop where you are doing things for others as a way to escape yourself. If you want to take your personal growth seriously, that means reclaiming your power and using it to design a life where you are truly thriving. Remember, if you want to serve others well, you need to make it your top priority to serve yourself well first.
It is easy to not have compassion for someone when you allow your perception of them to be formed by one instance. One action, even if it is rough, does not tell you who a person really is. Every individual carries a vast emotional history that has a direct effect on their present moment behavior. To be able to really understand someone you need to place them within the context of their emotional history and understand their current emotional state, together the two will make what is happening in the present much clearer. What was their relationship with their parents? Did they suffer major trauma? Did they go through periods of their life without having their material or emotional needs met? Have they experienced heartbreak? Are they afraid of being abandoned? Do they have any healthy relationships? Actions that may seem erratic or harsh tend to make more sense when you take a deeper look at the person’s story. The story does not excuse the rough action, but at least it will give you a more well-rounded understanding of what is driving certain behaviors. Understanding helps compassion flourish, together they make it more possible to skillfully handle difficult situations. It is really easy to misunderstand someone, especially those close to you, when you are not aware of the context they exist in. Understanding their emotional background will demystify the way they show up in the world. You can’t understand every individual’s background, but you can remember that life has left its mark on all of us and that suffering is abundant – this will help you have compassion as you walk forward.
Clarity & Connection:
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Journal Prompt:
Do you have people pleasing tendencies? What is their root/how did this pattern develop? What has slow progress looked like for you lately? Are you okay with moving at your own pace?
Links:
Clarity & Connection Barnes & Noble