An attachment to control essentially comes from having a bad relationship with change. If you were to take a deeper look at the foundation of nature, you would see that at its creative core there is the swift flow of movement. Particles whizzing by at rapid speeds and interacting in different combinations – temporary connections breaking and forming. All that we know in daily life is animated by the undercurrent of change. Change creates the space where mind and matter come together to construct the illusion of self. Nature exists in the form of a river, to fight this never-ending flow is to cause ourselves heartache and stress.
The ego seeks to control so naturally it is at odds with the truth of impermanence. The ego wishes to mold reality so that it may have all that it craves, but that is not possible nor is it a path to happiness. The ego is bound together by attachment, meaning the craving for things to exist in a certain way. The ego struggles against change because it reveals that control is rarely possible and at a deeper level change reveals that the ego itself is ultimately insubstantial.
Control has severe limits. The only parts of reality that we have power over are our own actions and the habits that those actions create. To think that we can manipulate all of reality is a serious delusion and if we are to act on that delusion continuously then it will become easy to harm those we come across. Control sucks the air out of relationships and it pushes away good people. Control functions in opposition to love. Long-lasting friendships and relationships often break under the weight of control. The thicker the ego, the more likely the individual is to believe that their way is always the right way. Control is often a manifestation of old hurt and trauma.
At the conventional level of everyday life, you and I are here, but at the ultimate level, we are simply temporary phenomena. Being able to live in balance of the two truths, that we are real and that we are not real, actually helps us live without holding on so intensely. When you deeply embrace change, letting go becomes much easier. You can teach the ego to exist more loosely by intentionally developing the qualities of present moment awareness and by challenging yourself to selflessly witness the perspective of others. The highest levels of happiness are not available unless we exist in harmony with the truth of change and that requires you to become more flexible with your idea of who you are and what you desire.
It serves you best to flow with change, instead of fighting it. You can simultaneously make decisions that align you with your goals while also accepting that there will be many moments in your life that you cannot control – all you can really do in uncontrollable instances is respond to the changes that occur in a way that supports your freedom and happiness. Relying on control is an attempt at finding security, but that feeling of safety and fullness will only become abundant when you can accept change as your teacher. Mold your life in the ways that you can, especially when it comes to your own actions, but do not lean on control as a way to heal or misconstrue it as a method for joy. The deepest healing and delight arises from letting go.
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Journal Prompt:
In what areas of your life do you find yourself clinging to control? What practice can help you pause and flow more easily with the river of change? Do you notice a difference in how you feel when you are in a flow state vs. a rigid, controlling state? How would being more open and accepting to change affect your relationships?
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This is absolutely amazing.
Amazing. And such a necessary lesson. Please definitely write more about letting go and releasing control, its extremely helpful thank you so much for this amazing read