Down Moments & Seeing More
Two thoughts:
It is easy to get lost in a down moment and see your progress as small when objectively it has actually been a long run of giant leaps into a new you. The mind loses its sense of clear assessment and pragmatic thinking when it is bogged down – for that moment, everything you see is through the prism of tough emotions.
Maturity is not just about changing your decisions and embracing your evolution so that you can take steps forward, it is also about how you handle things when it is time to slow down. It’s about having the ability to sit with yourself during the moments where you simply do not feel good. Anything can trigger a down moment, often it is valuable to understand the cause so you can navigate around unnecessary trouble, but there is no such thing as a perfect system or a perfectly safe space – there will be times, whether the cause is clear or not, where you have no other option but to face the heaviness of mental turbulence.
Controlling your external environment is always an unreliable and unproductive path to peace. If you want stability, you will have to build it from within. Preparing yourself for the inevitable down moment is a sign of wisdom. Gather your tools and lean on the methods that help you process your emotions. Three things can help a turbulent moment pass more smoothly:
This is not the time to judge yourself. Be intentional about redirecting your attention away from self-critique and allow yourself to simply sit with the tough moment without giving it any further fuel. You will see yourself more clearly when your mind is more balanced.
Tough emotions can twist your perception of time. Leaning on the intellectual understanding of impermanence can help keep you grounded. Hurt does not last forever. Storms are temporary. Just because it is hard now does not mean that this feeling will last.
Using the tools you have is not about escaping, it is about engaging with what you are feeling in a productive manner. Journal, meditate, get in touch with your therapist and see if they have ideas for how you can move through this tough moment. A friend of mine who I really respect once told me, “Meditate when you want to and meditate when you don’t want to.” Even if meditation is not your thing, there is a lot out there that can help you engage with your inner world.
The safest and most loving people to be around are the ones who can pull themselves out of their perspective so that they can see things from different angles outside of their own. One way to think of love is the ability to engage with a multiplicity of perspectives. Being able to see more views than just your own is a sign that compassion is present and active in your mind. This elevated form of love is a skill that requires cultivation. It takes a certain amount of inner-security and bravery to let down the shield of your view and take a look at the bigger picture, even if that means you are no longer the center of it. Doing a macro assessment of a situation, that includes an attempt on your part to put yourself in the shoes of the different people who are involved, can help you better assess what is happening and contribute skillful actions that support harmony instead of divisiveness and friction.
Ego is dominant when an individual can only see things from their angle. When this pattern is hardened it can even produce narcissistic tendencies and harmful behavior. When the ego is too large and compassion is limited, it becomes easy to get stuck in a micro assessment where you can only conceive of what is happening from a space where you are the center of things and your emotions matter more than all of those involved. Often, this heaviness of egocentricity originates as a survival tactic during a difficult part of your past or a harsh childhood. People don’t start off as narcissistic; this type of behavior is conditioned over time. A hard life often places people into a mode where they are constantly defensive, even when there is no longer anyone there who is trying to harm them.
Fortunately, we live in a time where even thick trauma can be unbound. We have a ways to go in terms of making healing tools more accessible, but there is no doubt that effective healing is more widely available than ever before. If you want to grow in your ability to love well, if you want to heal your mind, then you need to train yourself to see more than just what you are feeling. Being able to care for how others feel, while still honoring how you feel, is a sign of inner balance and maturity. Enhancing your mental agility is a key part of building inner peace.
Clarity & Connection Nomination:
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Journal Prompt:
What is the system that you have developed to handle your down moments? Is there anything you need to add or take away to process heavy emotions more smoothly? Have you been practicing see things from the perspective of others? Is there a moment where you wish someone had taken the time to see things from your angle?
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