Book Tour Dates and Emotional Maturity Excerpt
I am going to have 3 in-person events this fall to promote Lighter! You will be able to get signed copies of Lighter at all of the live events. I’m excited to see you soon!
NYC on 10/7 in conversation with Elena Brower
London 11/10 in conversation with Vex King
I will also have two virtual events:
10/6 in conversation with Alex Elle
10/23 in conversation with Sah D’Simone (tickets coming soon)
All the info and tickets for the events can be found by clicking here.
This excerpt is from the sixth chapter of my new book Lighter.
Only 1 more month until Lighter is in your hands!
You can preorder a copy of Lighter from different places in the US through this link.
You can preorder a copy of Lighter internationally here.
A key aspect of emotional maturity is making healthy sacrifices that support your long-term well-being more than your short-term pleasure. For example, you give time to your healing, even when it is hard. You make space for rejuvenating connections, even when your craving wants to pull you back into old connections that you know are unhealthy for you. You embrace the repetition of good habits, even when it feels like they are building up slowly. You do the courageous work of keeping your heart open because you know that’s the only way to forge deep and meaningful connections. You try to take in the present moment with a fresh perspective that isn’t being constantly evaluated against what happened to you in the past.
More than anything, you give yourself what you need, instead of what you crave. Treating your energy like a precious resource has a deep effect on your life. Saying no becomes more common so you can focus your time and give it to your highest goals. You miss out on some events because you don’t need as much external stimulation to make you feel fulfilled. And your fulfillment is now derived from your self-care and the wholeness that is uncovered from your healing work. You do remain open to healthy connections, but you are intentional about those you let into your inner circle. You give more time to your rest so that you can prosper while you are in the midst of your journey. Emotionally mature people are kind and gentle toward others, but they give the highest priority to what helps them thrive. Here are a few other ways you will know you are on the right track.
You don’t need to jump into every argument or give your opinion on every matter. Sometimes you need to speak up in self-defense or to reaffirm boundaries, but saying less can make what you stand for much clearer and it will save your energy for moments when you know your words will have a great impact. Often, the urge to speak is ego-driven and may even bring greater friction to the situation. Being skillful and taking the time to understand where you are coming from before you speak is valuable. Is it from a place of impulse and reaction that seeks dominance? Or is it from a place of curiosity that seeks to build understanding between two people? Are you really listening to others or just planning what points you want to make next?
You have a strong sense of determination. One of the practices that has made the biggest difference in my own life is having the resolve to stick to a path of healing once I determined that I had to change. There are a lot of ways to grow, but whenever you want to take a new path seriously there will be a point where you have to put your foot down and say to yourself, “No one and no situation will stop me from moving in this new direction. Moving this way is what is best for me and I will no longer compromise my wellbeing.” Having that strong determination has helped me become a daily meditator as well as pursue writing as a career.
As your self-awareness grows, the internal debate that occurs when you have an important decision in front of you becomes simpler and the decision you should make becomes more obvious. The struggle about which way to go and where to devote your time becomes less intense and time consuming when you are no longer a mystery to yourself. Since you know your aspirations and have practice being your authentic self, whatever comes near you that does not align with your goals will not be able to stay around for long. Your self-awareness strengthens your intuition. As you make more progress, you will know what is for you and what is not for you.
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