My new book How to Love Better is temporarily 33% off on Amazon and its available at your local bookstore.
5 Star Review: “This book has changed my life. I have struggled with being able to integrate self love and relationships together for my whole life. This book is easy to understand and to the point.” - Savannah
How to Love Better links: USA, UK, Australia Canada
Speaking Engagements:
I have spoken at the United Nations, Spotify, Target, Brown University, Meta, Google, Reddit, LinkedIn and many more companies over the years. I am currently finalizing my speaking schedule for 2026. If you would like me to speak at your company or school, in person or virtually, please contact: YungPuebloTeam@unitedtalent.com
10 Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage
Love is a home as much as it is an adventure. Walking through life alongside another human being can be nourishing and revealing. Choosing to care for each other also comes with the truth that you will be each other’s constant mirror.
Your relationship will help you see your strengths and it will show you which new behaviors need your intentional energy. Love is equally for your rest as it is for your elevation. Love is equally based on acceptance as it is on growth. You cannot walk through the doorway of love without being ready to take steps forward in your own evolution.
My wife and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this summer. We were both surprised at how quickly time has flown by. When we look back at the past, who we were when we first met almost feels like another lifetime. We learned over time that the invisible magnetic pull that keeps us orbiting around each other also needs our healing, our self-awareness, our calmness, and our curiosity to build a home that feels great to the two of us. Being with Sara has always felt undeniable, but through embracing growth and practicing Vipassana meditation the skills we needed to hold ourselves and each other started coming to fruition.
1. The energy for your growth must come from you. Through the flow of a relationship, you will see aspects of your character that need development or aspects that you need to let go of, but even so your partner can never do the work for you. They cannot force you to grow. A relationship is always a mirror that you can see yourself in, but only you can act on the information that you are gathering and choose to evolve. The best inspiration comes from within.
2. Don’t get stuck just doing logistics and mundane things. Relationships can easily become focused on constant problem solving. Don’t forget that your partner carries a universe within them, which means there is always more for you to explore about them. Lean into them with curiosity. Ask new questions. Give them different answers. Discover the unknown together.
3. Past pain gets in the way of love. The pain you have experienced in your past gets accumulated in the mind. It changes your perception, and it makes your reactions to triggers louder. Individual healing is necessary to alleviate the weight of the mind, and it can help you respond to reality as opposed to fearing it. Healing can truly help you see your partner more clearly and help you have the energy to show up for them better.
4. It takes time to truly learn how to care for each other. You can feel love for someone and not know how to care for them at all because the knowledge of care comes with time and openness. Simply put, you and your partner have to learn each other. Using vulnerability as your vehicle, you can share your emotional history with each other, how you like for your happiness to be supported, your preferences and dislikes. Honesty allows you to develop a good rhythm together.
5. Throw away the idea of perfection. Marriage is not a ride of constant bliss, there will be plenty of beautiful moments mixed in with challenging ones. You will make mistakes. Your partner will make mistakes. Relationships that are long-lasting create room for accountability, forgiveness, and repair. When you are in constant close proximity to another human being, there will certainly be moments when arguments happen. Don’t let this block the flow of love.
6. Arguments are for understanding not battling. Trying to dominate the narrative and forcing your partner to yield will just create resentment. Even when they owe you an apology, there is still more to the story that you should take the time to understand. Hearing each other’s perspectives will help you see each other better and it may remove distance between you that you were both previously unaware of. Understanding is required for love to properly flow.
7. Preventative communication. Let each other know how your moods are changing. You don’t need to wait to be asked, “how are you doing?” Having more information about each other’s mood lets you adjust how you can best support each other’s happiness. Letting each other know about big shifts in your mood will build your personal self-awareness and it will curb unnecessary arguments from happening.
8. Finding ways to say ‘I love you’ beyond words. Part of caring for your partner is learning them well enough that their love languages are clear in your mind. They should feel that and the big and small ways that they like to be loved matter to you. Your partner’s happiness has to come from within, but you can certainly add joy to their life. Don’t hesitate to do the things that your partner loves. Doing the small things you know your partner loves will significantly brighten their day and make your connection glow. The relationship feels really fulfilling when you both give to each other in this way and take joy in making each other smile.
9. Team mindset. Marriage is a commitment that forms you into a family and into a team. The team mindset is important because life will toss a lot of challenges your way. Not only will you be better at problem solving together but you will also benefit from being advisors to each other. The team mindset will help you win together. Try holding this perspective and watch how it transforms your interactions.
10. Sharing leadership. You are both going to be good at different things. One person isn’t going to have the answers all the time. Challenges won’t always require the same skills to solve them. Support each other in taking the lead so that both of you feel like you have power in your relationship and that you are active participants in designing your relationship. Knowing when to step back can be just as powerful as stepping up.
You can learn a lot more about these topics in my new book How to Love Better. I read the audiobook myself and at the end of it there is a special interview where my wife shares stories from our relationship and her wisdom from many years of meditation. Get the audiobook here.
Join the chatroom by clicking here.
The Paid Subscriber Community includes:
Sunday: Journal prompt
Monday: Short reflection to build self-awareness
Wednesday: Gratitude practice
Friday: Inspiration from other authors that I came across that week
There will occasionally be other threads where we can share our creative writing with each other, nature pictures, and book recommendations. You can subscribe through the button below.