Ready Together has a lot of new useful updates that can help you and your partner elevate your emotional intelligence and love each other better. Sara and I are really enjoying using it. At the end of this newsletter I added new screenshots of us using the app. Don’t forget to invite your partner after you download it.

Download it and use it for free on iPhone and Android. Hope it serves you well!

New Short Piece

Subscribe now

Your Partner Should Know Your Triggers

Understanding each other’s triggers is necessary in a serious relationship. As you two get to know each other more and more, it will become clear that life has not been easy for either of you. No individual experiences life without having gone through some form of harm or developing some habits and patterns that are detrimental.

Even at its most beautiful, life can be stressful. Trigger points are essentially moments or experiences of our past that heavily coat our present-day perception. When we encounter something like what we experienced in the past that reminds us of that dreadful moment, the same intense reaction surfaces as a coping mechanism or as a form of self-defense. Sometimes the defense is necessary and sometimes it is totally unwarranted because the mind perceived danger where there was none.

Share

What is difficult is that we are not each other’s therapists. We are not individuals trained to handle someone else’s trauma. We are merely peers who love each other. All we can do is our best to understand the other’s emotional terrain, to equip each other with as much information as possible about why we are the way we are. This is especially important for long-term relationships. Having the courage to walk each other through our emotional histories takes a lot of strength but it is necessary if we are to have a good chance at loving each other well.

Understanding someone’s triggers does not mean tiptoeing around them or coddling them. It means being well-informed so that you can skillfully and gently hold each other’s vulnerability when you are going through difficult moments or having deep conversations. When the heart is open during moments of vulnerability, it is valuable to remember your partner’s trigger points so that you can treat each other compassionately.

When your partner decides to do healing work to overcome their triggers, make sure that you support them in moving at a pace that is good for them. This is not the time to “test” them in unnecessary ways. They should clearly outline what they are comfortable with and how they would like your help. You are not your partner’s coach, in fact, when trying to do deep healing work it is better to involve professionals so that you can successfully maneuver this sensitive process.

Subscribe now

You can’t force your partner to change or heal in the ways you want them to. Even though you may think you know what is best for them and you see a clear way for them to deal with their inner issues or old pain, it simply is not helpful to push someone to do work that only they themselves can decide they are ready for. Of course, you can give suggestions and share what has helped you, but every person needs to walk the path of healing themselves, from their own volition.

Love is founded on freedom; this implies that you need to lean into your acceptance and patience if you are committed to growing together. No relationship is without conflict or difficult moments, especially because individuals grow and heal at different speeds.

This is an excerpt from my new book How to Love Better, which is temporarily 49% off the original price on Amazon. You can also get a copy in bookstores everywhere.

Speaking in San Francisco on May 14th

Friends in SF, I will be one of the speakers at the Wisdom and AI conference! Looking forward to meeting many of you there. Learn more about the conference here and get your tickets.

I like this conference because the goal is to focus our energy towards shifting AI into something that uplifts humanity instead of diminishing it.

Screenshots of Ready Together

Download it and use it for free on iPhone and Android

Download it and use it for free on iPhone and Android

Share

“The pages I turned to caused me to stop and I found myself holding my breath because I never thought about the answers to these statement before. I had to dig deep to get my truth and boy the tears were real. This book will live on my shelf in and my heart forever!” - Ny’ilah N.

My book Clarity & Connection is temporarily 47% off on Amazon, which is a really big sale. You can also find it in bookstores.

Forgiveness and Repair

Love is not meant to be constantly easy. Love should bring safety, comfort, joy, laughter and understanding, but it will also bring growth, challenging conversations, and the mistakes that come when two imperfect human beings decide to journey through life together.

Connection creates the possibility for love to exist and relationships are the home that is built around the energy of love. Even the healthiest relationships are never perfect because life and love always come with ups and downs.

Share

If you want a long-term relationship, then you will need to include forgiveness and repair into the culture that the two of you share. Every relationship has its own unique culture because each individual has their own set of preferences, likes, dislikes, and emotional history that impacts the way they like to be cared for. When two people commit to each other, they are creating their own small world that is just for them.

No matter how you shape your relationship culture, it needs to embrace the truth that arguments and misunderstandings will inevitably happen.

A lot of couples that have been together for long periods of time learn how to argue without destroying everything they have built.

Read more

“From the very first page I'm so taken in and so emotional about all that I'm reading. Just wow. So deep, so true, so meaningful, so everything. This is going to be my all time favorite book to come back to. And I can't wait to give it to someone as a gift when the time comes. It's that great. Now let me cry a little.” - Jana V (5 Star Review)

Give Yourself the Freedom of Letting Go

Attachment is a battle with the past and the future because it refuses to fully engage with the present. Attachment deeply rejects how things are and clings to how the mind craves for things to be. No matter what angle attachment is arriving from, it essentially clings to an idea so tightly that it causes waves of tension and stress that distort perception and add to the thickness of conditioning. Every attachment that ripples within you, just makes the mind heavier. More than anything, attachment does not like uncontrollable change.

Subscribe now

Human existence is rarely devoid of sorrow. All of us have experienced hurt, stress, pain, dissatisfaction and many of us have experienced life altering trauma. The most common representation of attachment that the mind experiences is when it unconsciously drags the past into the present. Falling into cycles of reliving past pain in our mind or even going as far as to see threats where there really are none is a sign that attachment has taken a hold of the mind. Letting go is the only answer.

Human beings are so dynamic and wide ranging in their experience, that letting go will not look the same for everyone. But even so, in all aspects of letting go, for real healing to be possible, three qualities are needed:

1. Acceptance.

2. Objective observation of the present moment.

3. The effort to keep choosing more skillful actions than the past.

Letting go is only possible when you accept the discomfort in your mind and body. Acceptance is the decision to no longer run away from what you feel when the tension of the past is reverberating through your mind. When you reject mental tension or suppress it, you will end up creating deep patterns that compound the heaviness of the mind. When you accept what’s arising, the pain may not immediately go away, but you do gain the resilience that comes with looking at it directly.

The phantom of past pain eventually evaporates when you calmly observe it with the light of awareness. Patience and acceptance are a mighty combination. Acceptance is freedom because you are ultimately deciding to stop fighting yourself. Letting go and acceptance are two sides of the same coin, both can help you see through the clouds and finally see the present. One of the most liberating things you can do for yourself is embrace the truth that you cannot change the past and that you do not have full control over the future.

Share

When you accept the tension of the moment, it tends to wither away because you are no longer adding the fuel that tension receives when you struggle with it. Tension ignites defensiveness and often that will look like the mind launching a myriad of projections in all directions. This will quickly cloud everything you see. Acceptance creates space for you to start training yourself to observe the present moment without projecting anything onto it. Seeing the present moment with clarity takes patience and repetition.

Letting yourself see the world, your friendships, your family, nature and anything else you care for in a new light, where there are no stories wrapped around them, often sparks a new level of wonder and amazement in the mind. Bearing witness to the miracle that’s in front of you can reinvigorate you to choose new actions instead of just leaning on the old way of doing things. When you drop the old stories and start fresh, you see that you have a lot more power than you thought you did.

Subscribe now

A lot of people want quick and easy ways to let go because they know their problem stems from hanging on, but the issue is that if you have been holding on for decades, it is going to take intentional repetition to train the mind to release its defenses and fully let go. Especially when the pain is deep, you will have to let go many times, but eventually you will see that the heaviness does not have the same impact as it did before. If you stop feeding it by struggling with it, it will weaken. Everything needs energy to exist, even your past pain.

Wisdom will teach you that it is wiser to place your energy into acceptance and letting go instead of rehashing old battles. When you take your energy away from your past pain and place it into slowing down and being intentional, you open a great new chapter in your life. The deepest freedom you can feel in your life is something that only you can give yourself. Letting go is essentially a decision to redesign your mind. When you change your mind, you change your life.

Speaking in San Francisco on May 14th

Friends in SF, I will be one of the speakers at the Wisdom and AI conference! Looking forward to meeting many of you there. Learn more about the conference here and get your tickets.

I like this conference because the goal is to focus our energy towards shifting AI into something that uplifts humanity instead of diminishing it.

One of My Favorite Interviews

Function Health

Happy to be collaborating with Function Health because it has been transformational in my personal health journey!

When you understand your health, you can take better care of yourself and have more time on this earth with the people you love.

I love Function Health because it gives me access to 100+ lab tests and detailed insights from licensed clinicians. This helps me make better choices to support both my mind and body. Click here to try Function.

“If you are healing, this is a 10/10 recommended read.” - Candace Bass

I don’t have control over how long the sales last, this one will probably go quick.

The Art of De-escalation

There are some people who when faced with anger or disappointment from their partner, end up making the problem bigger. One trigger leads to another trigger and before you know it, you are in a big argument with each other and neither of you are looking for a route to peace and resolution.

When you fall into a massive blame game, no one wins. When you keep doubling down on reacting with anger, it just makes the mind thicker. Both of you are digging deeper defensive trenches in your subconscious that make it more likely for anger to reappear in the future. Even when someone starts an argument and rightfully needs to apologize, it is still possible that the other person accepts the invitation into the argument and makes the whole thing bigger than it needs to be.

Subscribe now

The reality is that it is not possible for relationships to be a constant stream of harmony. Ego will get in the way, perception will make things cloudy, mistakes are going to happen. Love is incredibly powerful, but it cannot give you perfection. These ups and downs should not be suppressed, instead they should be embraced and handled with an intentional culture that the two of you agree upon to help you honor and overcome the hard moments.

Since disharmony is bound to happen there not only needs to be space for accountability, forgiveness, and the repair of changed behavior, but there also needs to be internal and external de-escalation. Practically, this looks like choosing peace instead of chaos within your own mind and in the midst of an argument.

Reaction is lightning fast, harsh words driven by fear or past trauma can appear quickly even after you have done substantial work to be a better version of yourself in the present moment. The real substance of the work you have done is visible when you intentionally choose to break out of the reaction pattern and pick actions that are more skillful and loving. The real you is not your reaction, it is how you behave after you see that you reacted impulsively.

A key element of emotional maturity is the ability to witness the anger and tension that is rising inside of you without feeding it and making it worse. In a practical sense, this looks like accepting the fact that the tension inside of you is uncomfortable, voicing this reality to your partner, but choosing not to let the tension take control of your mind and actions. Wisdom is witnessing it without becoming it. This will help you speak your truth without intense anger, and it will help your mind stay clear so that you can be a part of finding a solution that the both of you feel good about.

Share

Emotional intelligence is when you see that your partner is reacting and they bring their anger to you, but you choose to be a part of the conversation without getting sucked into the drama. You respectfully listen and speak without letting their anger take control of your emotions. This requires self-awareness, and remember that even if their anger is justified, it doesn’t help to get swallowed into it. One thing that really helps during a hard conversation is remembering that your partner is not your enemy.

The more you can choose peace inside of yourself, the more you will be able to choose peace in challenging interpersonal moments. Relationships are not about getting everything you want, and it is not possible for one person to always be right. A healthy relationship often looks like finding a middle path that feels right to the both of you.

I am loving the new updates on Ready Together! I set the vision for this app so that couples can appreciate each other in more thoughtful ways than normal and build their emotional intelligence.

The questions you can answer as a couple are thought-provoking. I’ve noticed that after Sara and I both check in and can see each other’s responses, it usually strikes up a nice conversation where we talk more about our answers.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the design of Ready Together and I made sure to build the tool that would really help both partners feel seen and heard.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

My Favorite Interview of 2025:

I noticed that I needed to take better care of my skin and have started using Wild Roman daily. The difference it has made has been incredible! It’s so good that even my wife has started to use their products too. My two favorites are the face serum and the face moisturizer. I love how simple the ingredients are and how they feel on my skin. Use the code DIEGO10 for 10% off. Click here to check out all their offerings.

Share

Give a gift subscription

Get more from Yung Pueblo in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

I noticed that I needed to take better care of my skin and have started using Wild Roman daily. The difference it has made has been incredible! It’s so good that even my wife has started to use their products too. My two favorites are the face serum and the face moisturizer. I love how simple the ingredients are and how they feel on my skin. Use the code DIEGO10 for 10% off. Click here to check out all their offerings.

On Sacrifice

In front of every individual is a space of infinite possibility. Your options are limitless when you truly consider how many choices you have at your grasp. There are a multitude of paths you can decide to walk. Every action is a choice that gives you direction when you are standing at the junction of infinity. Every action ripples outward to forge new outcomes that shape your future.

Subscribe now

But do not let the expansiveness in front of you cloud your judgment; the key to designing a good life for yourself is deeply embracing the truth that you cannot be everywhere at once. The conflict everyone must navigate is the clash between infinite possibility and the limitation of time. You only have so much time to explore infinity.

Every choice will have a cost. Every decision is a “yes” to something and a “no” to something else. Walking through one door requires you to let go of another. Understanding that sacrifice is a natural part of life is the beginning of letting your intention, your honesty, and what you value become true guides as you sift through the options so you can move forward with purpose.

Peacefully reckoning with the fact that every action has a cost, whether big or small, helps you stay aligned with the greater purpose that drives your life. When you know what you want to live for, your choices become clearer. Purpose helps you make decisions faster when you have so many options in front of you. Purpose helps you move forward with less regret because the idea of “what could have been” will not have as much power over the mind.

Share

Finding your purpose becomes more possible when you listen closely to your intuition and you let it guide you to a place where your natural talents, your joy, and where you are most of service all converge. The greatest sense of fulfillment is found right where your strengths connect with helping those around you. Purpose is doubling down on what you are good at so that you can enhance your impact.

Even in the moments when you are walking a path you love, you may still feel the curiosity or even sorrow of what could have been if you had moved in a different direction. The reality of sacrifice is unavoidable.

Even when you are living a beautiful life that is full of purpose, you will have to sacrifice a lot along the way. Walking with purpose is one of the best ways to make sure that the direction you are taking and all the sacrifices you have to endure are genuinely worth it.

Take a moment to reflect:

Am I sacrificing the right things?

Is the path that I am currently walking making use of my best talents?

Is the path that I am walking costing me too much?

Do I need to rebalance to realign with my purpose?

Be honest about the tension you are causing yourself.

The mind loves to externalize blame for any tension it may feel. It is easy for the mind to jump through mental hoops to figure out how everything is always someone else’s fault. Granted, there will be people who do things to you that are hurtful, mean, and disagreeable but taking ownership of your healing and freedom means realizing how tension manifests in the mind. Your attachment to what someone says or does can take physical pain and amplify it limitlessly into mental pain. Someone outside of you can do something, but you are cognizing what happened, evaluating it as something negative or positive which impacts the feeling tone in the body and then reacting to what you are feeling. No matter what others are doing, your perception (evaluation) and reaction are happening in your own mind. Your reactions over time are what fill the mind with tension and give it that heavy feeling. Reaction is attachment and thus heaviness. Observation without attachment is letting go and this allows a lighter mind to arise. You can read more about this in my book Lighter which is temporarily 52% off the original price.

Book Recommendation:

My friend Amy Purdy is releasing her new book Bounce Forward: 21 Tools to Live a Life Beyond Limits next week. This one is a must read. She lost both her legs at 19 years old and has since gone on to be a 3x Paralympic medalist and a renown motivational speaker. She is a trailblazer in so many ways! Amy has created a life defined by resilience and possibility. In Bounce Forward, she shares warm, practical, and insightful tools that help you navigate adversity, transform challenges into growth, and thrive no matter what life throws your way.

Here is a quote that I love from her new book:

“Anxiety happens when were afraid of what might come next, but it dissolves when we’re fully present. In fact, it’s impossible to be present and anxious at the same time. You’re either in the moment where you are alive and well or you are mentally in the future with all of your fears and uncertainties. You can’t be in both places at the same time.” Get your copy of her book here.

Share

When you understand your health, you can take better care of yourself and have more time on this earth with the people you love.

I love Function Health because it gives me access to 100+ lab tests and detailed insights from licensed clinicians. This helps me make better choices to support both my mind and body. Click here to try Function.

The 5 Principles of a Happy Life

Happiness can seem elusive in a modern world that proves to be consistently challenging. Contrary to the craving of the mind, true happiness is not endless pleasure and living a life without hard moments.

Happiness is a combination of inner peace, the deep acceptance that change is a part of life, and the power to see reality in a balanced way where you do not ignore the negative, but you also do not let the negative overshadow the miracle of being alive.

Subscribe now

Happiness is a deep state of inner balance, which normally feels like a calm mind and a wise yet open heart.

The following are 5 principles that help support a happy life:

1. Have confidence in the ability to guide yourself. No one is ever going to know your situation as well as you do. Advice from people that you trust can help you see a situation from different angles, but even then, it is still up to you to make a decision about what is the best path forward. Learning how to listen to the quiet but consistent signals from your intuition, having a clear sense of your values, and knowing what is too much for your nervous system will help you narrow down your options. Many people seek outside of themselves for answers, but the best guidance arises when you close your eyes and turn your attention inward.

2. Let go over and over again. Every individual carries heaviness, pain, or trauma from the past that is impacting how they interact with the present moment. Some have so much old hurt that it deeply clouds everything they see. Old hurt makes you see reality through the lens of the past. Letting go is when you intentionally decide to stop carrying the energy of the past into the present. Letting go is when you allow yourself to witness reality without projecting anything onto it. If you truly want to be happy, you have to accept your past and then let it go so that it isn’t weighing heavily on you anymore. Letting go is not a one-time event. You have to repeat this wise choice again and again so that your mind understands that it is safe.

Share

3. Surround yourself with people who love to see you win. A great community is an essential part of living a happy life. Solitude can be enjoyable, but even then, we need each other to truly thrive. Some of the deepest joy you can experience comes from the interactions you have with people who care about you. Choose people who feel magnetic and who have that resonance that immediately makes you feel like you can put your guard down. There is nothing wrong with being intentional about who is a part of your inner circle. A true friend will quietly and loudly cheer for your success.

4. Speak your truth. Living your truth is the opposite of people pleasing. There is a balance you can strike where you speak your truth in a compassionate manner. Letting others know what your capacity is, when you need support, when you need rest, how much you can handle, what is actually enjoyable for you, and saying no whenever people are asking for too much are essential boundaries that you voice into existence to protect your inner peace and happiness. Living in your truth ensures that you won’t get lost in the cravings of other people.

5. Gratitude for the small things. Life is going to be challenging no matter what. Hard things will happen because you cannot control every factor of existence. Too much is unknowable and too much is outside of your field of impact. The mind likes to cling to negative moments in a way that clouds all the good that is happening in your life. Being grateful for the small parts of life is an important way to ground the mind so that it doesn’t get swallowed by negativity. Let your honesty have balance, accept the negativity that is there, but also accept that there are positive things to be grateful for in your life, no matter how small they seem at times.

I write a lot more about happiness in my book Lighter, which is currently 52% off the original price. Click here to get a copy.

Ready Together

One of the best parts about my app for couples Ready Together is getting to appreciate each other in more thoughtful ways than normal.

The questions you can answer as a couple are thought-provoking. I’ve noticed that after Sara and I both check in and can see each other’s responses, it usually strikes up a nice conversation where we talk more about our answers.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the design of Ready Together and I made sure to build the tool that would really help both partners feel seen and heard.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

Video Q&A

Thank you everyone who came to the video Q&A and especially to those who submitted questions ahead of time and in the chat! I was really impressed that we all went so deep together. Very grateful for the paid subscribers who keep this all going!

If you want to submit a question for the next Q&A or join the chat you can subscribe below.

Subscribe now

Share

Get more from Yung Pueblo in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Read more

I’ll be answering your questions on Friday, March 27th at 4:30pm EST on Substack live!

I want to answer as many questions as possible. It would be helpful if you could get your questions in early. Simply leave your question in the comments section below.

If you have any questions about overcoming heartbreak, personal growth, healing past pain, letting go of attachments, how to bring harmony into your relationship, choosing the right partner, how to get started with your writing career, or anything else that is arising in your mind - I’ll be happy to share my perspective with you.

If you can’t make that time, the video will be sent out to all paid subscribers afterwards, so you will still be able to see it. This Ask Me Anything is a special event for Paid Subscribers.

Read more

“Must read. I like the way the book is formatted, because I can read bite-sized chunks of wisdom in a short sitting. Typically, however, I am drawn in to reading more than I initially intend, because much of what he writes speaks directly to me.” - Deb

The ego exists because of the evolutionary drive to survive, but it creates a barrier in the mind that limits the ability to truly thrive. The ego’s greatest limitation is that it interacts with reality through a thick cloud of past conditioning. Stories upon stories that are bound together by attachment stand in between individuals and ultimate truth. The ego perceives and makes assessments constantly, many of which are partially or totally based in ignorance.

Subscribe now

The ego is bound together by tension. Tension is literally friction. Friction can work well as a form of protection but when there is no external threat, the ego will seek to fight itself or others as a means of keeping the tension going. The fight does not need to be a loud one; usually it takes the form of externalizing blame, unfair assumptions, or harshly judging yourself and others.

Within an individual, the ego fails because it cannot see itself or others clearly. The bigger the ego, the less room there is for compassion. For human beings to thrive, they need the mind to dwell more often in compassion so they can choose skillful actions. Compassion allows a greater opportunity to look beyond past conditioning and see things from more angles than just what attachment desires.

The ego creates distortion and division because its job is not to see reality as it is, its primary function is to bend reality in a way that polishes and reaffirms the sense of self and all its attachments. The problem with this is that the ego likes to put itself on a pedestal and naturally this creates separation. Not just the separation of good and bad or better and worse, but it separates people into us and them.

Share

When you think about conflicts that happen between individuals or groups, at the root is the friction of ego that creates such dense judgments that lead to aggression. The ego is so charged with tension and fear that it creates false reasoning to justify domination and hurt as righteous ways to solve conflict.

The route of compassion solves conflict through listening, understanding, and rising above ignorance to unite around commonalities as opposed to letting imagined differences divide us further. The ego excels at destruction and compassion is great at creation.

Having a value system that helps guide you through the world is helpful, but it is vital to make compassion for yourself and others your leading compass. Compassion is the opposite of weakness; it is the convergence of intelligence and strength.

Compassion helps you make sure that you are giving plenty to yourself while also helping you understand that the wellbeing of others is equally important.

Compassion can break the illusions that the ego uses to divide because it helps make space for wisdom. Wisdom will teach that the ego is as impermanent as anything else in this universe and that kindness creates more security than the ego ever can. Wisdom breaks the illusion of us and them by revealing that the force of love is far more real than our collective egos pretend to be. Wisdom cools down the fire of fear that causes conflict and aggression.

Share

If you want peace in your mind, spend more time dwelling in compassion. The more of us that can dwell in compassion, the greater chance there will be for peace in the world.

Speaking Engagements

Yesterday, I had a great time keynoting at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium with Nedra Glover Tawwab and Alexandra Solomon. Such a fantastic convention with over 1500 people seeing the talk live. So inspiring to meet so many individuals at the conference who are helping people grow and heal.

I have spoken at Spotify, Target, Harvard Business School, ServiceNow, UC Santa Barbara, Brown University, Meta, Google, Reddit, LinkedIn and many more companies about how to unlock the best version of yourself. If you would like me to speak at your organization or conference, in person or virtually, please contact: YungPuebloTeam@unitedtalent.com

I started my Vipassana meditation journey in the summer of 2012. After the first silent 10-day retreat I noticed my mind was lighter, so I kept going back a few times a year. In 2018 I sat my first 20-day retreat, in 2019 I sat my first 30-day, and in 2022 my first 45-day retreat.

All the while I experienced the gradual development one does as they walk the path and dig deeper into the truth of impermanence. Less reaction, more awareness, and more peace were new staples in my life directly connected to thousands of hours of Vipassana training.

Subscribe now

Impermanence is pervasive in the universe but not well understood and often rejected by the ego. Many treat change as an enemy but when you face its truth within the framework of your body, it opens the door to liberational wisdom. The truth of change helps you see why dissatisfaction and stress are so common in the human experience and how insubstantial the self and ego are.

I sat the silent 60-day Vipassana retreat in India, at the long course center in Kutch. I was truly impressed by how supportive the environment was there. I got to sit the retreat with my wife and a bunch of serious Vipassana meditator friends also joined. I knew the retreat was going to be a deep one, but it turned out to be much deeper than anticipated. Many of us felt like it was a life-changing retreat.

The following are 7 key lessons that emerged from the 60 days of serious meditation:

1. All thoughts are empty until you give them value. The mind has an excellent capacity to create stories that are based in half-truths or are just simply delusions with the aim to feed your agitation. Many thoughts are the noise of reactions. Thoughts are so flimsy that they should never be automatically considered true. Not grabbing on to any thoughts, especially during deep meditation supports pure observation so that ignorance can melt away.

2. Stress comes from attachment. The things you crave and the things you hate are both forms of attachment. Clinging makes the mind inflexible and fills it with tension. If you look at reality objectively, you will see that how much the mind struggles is directly related to how much you refuse to let go. Teaching yourself how to let go is hard because it moves against the direction that the ego wants you to go in. Even though it’s challenging, letting go is needed if you want to pursue healing and liberation.

3. Time is a factor of ego. As your ego decreases, the stress of time will decrease as well. Time is based on perception. In moments of peace and wisdom, time can move incredibly quickly. Hours can feel like a few minutes. In moments of agitation, time can feel like it’s moving painfully slow. Time is less of a worry when you can more so live in the present moment, instead of having your mind swimming in the past or pondering the future. Only in the present moment can you find the peace of timelessness.

Share

4. Whenever a thought arises, it will simultaneously create sensations on the body. Sometimes we think we get attached to our thoughts, but what we are actually craving or fighting is how the thoughts make us feel in the body. Anger, passion, fear, and all emotions arise with sensations on the body. Challenging memories and thoughts are not the real problem, what you don’t like is how they make you feel.

5. Wise Friendship is everything. Surrounding yourself with good people who have aspirations similar to yours can propel you in the right direction much more quickly. If you want to build virtue, spend more time with the virtuous. Having the type of friendships that help you build good qualities is essentially a form of protection that stops the past from dragging you back in and supports you in opening the door to a new and better life.

6. The body and mind are composed of change. When you directly feel that the body is solely composed of moving atoms that are interacting with each other at incredible speeds, you start to see that ego and the sense of self are not fundamentally real. This wisdom helps you have flexibility in daily life. You should let yourself change, because you are change. Staying the same or going back to who you were is never the goal. What will most support your joy is letting yourself grow and evolve.

7. After healing, there is liberation. Many enter Vipassana meditation to build the qualities of compassion, awareness, and non-reaction so that they can feel more peace of mind. As you walk the path, it becomes clear that healing is an early step and what comes after is embracing the journey of total liberation from all self-created stress and suffering. We live in a special time in human history where liberational wisdom is available, it’s a great time to free yourself.

You can learn more about Vipassana through Dhamma.org, there are meditation centers all over the world that teach the same technique for free.

Special Sale for My Two Latest Books

My book about relationships called How to Love Better is 49% off the original price on Amazon and its available in bookstores.

My book of poetry and short quotes called The Way Forward is 46% off the original price on Amazon and its available in bookstores.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the design of Ready Together and I made sure to build the tool that would really help both partners feel seen and heard.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

Trust is one of the main foundations of all relationships. A groundwork of trust permits us to open up and be vulnera­ble, allowing us to share our full, complex selves with an­other person. Trust means we won’t feel judged or threatened when we admit a shortcoming or fear.

Subscribe now

Trust allows for hu­mans to be imperfect beings and feel supported in the pro­cess of growing and making mistakes. Trust also means we can feel sure of our partner and their commitment to our relationship. It allows us to relax and feel at ease in our home and our lives. Trust creates space for more to be possible, more creativity, more growth, more joy, more contented­ness.

But trust needs to be built and earned step by step in a gradual process shown by actions, rather than just words. As your relationship grows and builds, so should your trust in each other. There are so many ways to build trust, but the main one is to consistently show up for your partner in a car­ing and loving manner. To give them your attention, to listen to them, to accept them fully as they are, and to be there for them.

Opening up to your partner with vulnerability is an­other way to build trust. When you can open yourself up to your partner despite the fear and tension it may bring up in you, this is a huge opening for your relationship. Consis­tency is key to building trust.

Following through with what you have committed to do is essential. Being honest and not hiding things from your partner is paramount. This is important to establish early on in your relationship and applies even to small white lies. If you find yourself holding back or lying to your partner out of fear of hurting their feelings, you are actually hurting your bond more by not allowing full trust to develop.

When trust is absent or broken, it creates a dynamic of fear and insecurity that can cause tension and harm. This robs a relationship of its comfort and threatens the long-term viability of a partnership. If you cannot trust your partner, intimacy is lost and replaced by disappointment and fear. I have seen many great relationships end when trust is broken. It is good to have boundaries and not allow yourself to be mistreated, but at the same time, you shouldn’t expect your partner to be perfect and never make mistakes.

Share

I believe in many cases trust can be regained and rebuilt if both partners truly want this and work toward it patiently. If responsibility is taken for the transgression, which often needs to happen a few times. If open and honest communi­cation is reestablished. If you get to the root of why trust was broken, rather than just the surface level of what happened. If you can hold your partner with compassion and under­standing, while not sanctioning their misdeeds. If you can see your partner as a beautifully complex and imperfect being who makes mistakes, but who owns up to them and learns from them.

All of these conditions can lead to build­ing an even deeper and stronger trust. But it will take time. It is not a weakness to give your partner a second chance with account­ability. Though in some cases, especially when both partners do not want to put in the work, or the transgression is too deep, the relationship will not be salvageable.

If your trust has been broken in the past, this may cause you to have your guard up around others and expect them to hurt you in the same way. This pattern needs to be ac­knowledged and faced, communicated openly with your partner, and treated gently and patiently.

This excerpt is from my new book How to Love Better, which is temporarily 53% off the original price.

One of my favorite things about Ready Together is having a log of my personal check-ins to see how my energy and moods shift over time. Having a moment of self-awareness really helps with orienting how I approach my day and bringing intention into the energy I give to my wife Sara.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

When you understand your health, you can take better care of yourself and have more time on this earth with the people you love.

I love Function Health because it gives me access to 100+ lab tests and detailed insights from licensed clinicians. This helps me make better choices to support both my mind and body. Click here to try Function with a $100 credit toward your membership.

Some of the most meaningful relationships do not last a life­time. They are moments when we become so deeply en­twined with another individual that it sparks profound growth and gives us vital direction as we move forward in life.

Sometimes you share a chapter of your life with an in­dividual so you can both get through a serious hurdle. You were not meant to be together for a lifetime, but you were meant to help each other reach a new level.

Subscribe now

Our society tends to give bigger meaning to relationships that last for longer lengths of time, and without taking away from the beauty of these partnerships, this is not always the truth. Even relationships that last for weeks or months can leave an undeniable impact on the mind and the heart. No love or care that you received is lost. Just as past difficulties continue to impact you, so does past love. What matters is not time, but the depth of the connection and how the connection affected that specific chapter of your life.

Even when you go your separate ways, there is an unfor­gettable kinship that was forged. It happens often that some­one feels genuinely right for a moment in time, but then a shift happens as your life goes from one chapter to another.

Real love contains a timeless quality. You can feel this in the moments when you and another person are so deeply enjoying each other’s company that time seems to slow down though it is actually moving quickly without you even notic­ing it. It is as if you two enter your own realm and what feels like minutes for the both of you is hours in the outside world. This is a profound act of presence that becomes more do­able when you love someone deeply. You give them so much of your attention that it feels like time stops as you listen and engage in conversation with them. These are special mo­ments when your connection unfolds and becomes truly alive, when you can feel the magnetic pull of the spark that brings the two of you together.

When you see the power of love in a single moment, it makes it easier to understand that a temporary relationship can have a powerful impact on your mind and heart. Even when the two of you reach a fork in the road and go your separate ways, you can look back on the story of your life and honestly admit to yourself that this union was formative and supportive in your development as a human being.

Share

Whether you consider a short relationship you were in as negative or positive, there is still so much value you can gain from what you went through. Many of us have relationships or parts of relationships we regret, but even though we can’t turn back time or erase that relationship from our mind, there is still value to gain. Undesirable relationships can show you what you don’t want to repeat in the future and help you clarify what type of qualities you are looking for in a partner. Understanding what you should not tolerate is es­sential.

The hurt you felt in the past can be transmuted into healing and growth, but it can also clarify your inner com­pass so you know what is good for you and what isn’t. Look­ing back on a relationship you regret and realizing how things went wrong can help you build a much more genera­tive relationship culture with a future partner. In a very di­rect way, what we don’t like will help us welcome what we do like.

This excerpt is from my new book How to Love Better, which is temporarily 53% off the original price.

You can use the Ready Together app with your partner. It is designed to support you on the journey of your relationship.

On the Ready Together app, you can:

• Do daily check-ins to help you connect and grow together

• Strengthen trust and communication

• Share your energy level and emotions

• Practice relational intelligence skills to deepen your connection

• Send love notes for clear appreciation

I love using it with my wife! It has been so helpful!

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the design of Ready Together and I made sure to build the tool that would really help both partners feel seen and heard.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

When you are open to finding a partner, people will come and go as you wait to feel a genuine spark. Once the spark is felt and you both feel the pull of a connection, it does not mean that the discovery process is over. If you understand that a relationship needs more than a connection, you will take the time to get to know an individual so you can really see who they are.

Share

When people initially describe themselves to someone new, they may describe the ideal version of themselves. This is why it is important to see if the way they describe them­selves with their words matches up with their actions.

To build a beautiful relationship with someone, you need to know who they are beneath the surface. It is easy to be the best version of yourself when life is running smoothly, but it is a much harder task to meet reality with your best foot forward when things get tough. You do not fully know some­one until you see how they deal with challenges.

Are they overwhelmed by their stress? Do they make good decisions when things are chaotic around them? Do they run from their emotions or do they have the strength to face them? If you two have an argument, do they seek to win or are they interested in understanding your perspective and open to sharing theirs?

Subscribe now

When you see your new connection deal with something difficult and you get a sense of how deep or intense their reaction is, you can ask yourself, “Is this within a healthy range?”

This is not meant to support the idea that you should hold your partner to an unrealistic standard. Seeking flawless emotional maturity will make you rule out wonderful people. Instead, you are looking for someone who is not afraid to take a good look at themselves, someone who can be mindful of their words, and who is not unconsciously reactive.

If they can stop to think before reacting, this is a big sign that they have grown a lot and are open to more inner devel­opment.

The most foundational quality to look for is the simple willingness to grow; this means they have enough humility to expand their perspective and evolve their actions. No matter where they are on their path, they are ready to take steps forward. The surface of the ocean hides what is under­neath. Human beings are just as deep as an ocean. Even if an individual is not intentionally hiding who they are, it will be quite difficult to really know them after spending just a few moments together. Only by going through different ex­periences with them will more of what is underneath be revealed.

Share

Every individual is a mosaic of experiences, condition­ing, impulses, strengths, fears, aspirations, and more. As you look for your partner, you need to see if they not only fit well in your arms, but if your two mosaics add to each other’s inner beauty and harmony.

This excerpt is from my new book How to Love Better, which is temporarily 53% off the original price.

She told me, “Ready Together is the only app I want to get notifications from.”

Try Ready Together for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

It can feel especially difficult to have open discussions if you have experienced a childhood where the truth was not welcomed and instead it was encouraged to simply act like everything was okay for the sake of “keeping the peace.”

Subscribe now

In these situations, the tension that the truth may cause by bringing things out into the open does not go away when you remain silent. Rather, the tension will stay within you because you actively have to suppress the truth instead of dealing with the tension as a group and coming to a solution that will ultimately relieve the heaviness. You either have to allow the tension to arise, speak the truth, and lay it out so that things can be dealt with, or you will have to carry the burden of the truth that remains unspoken. Even small lies can weigh heavily on your mind.

You have to remind yourself that an emotionally mature relationship is not possible when you are feeding each other lies. Even if lies were silently supported while you were growing up, you need to break this cycle and stop repeating this pattern if you want your relationship to thrive.

As most people would rather hear the truth than a lie, we should respect our partners enough to give them exactly what we ask for, despite the initial discomfort. Our own temporary discomfort is not a good enough reason to withhold the truth from the person we love so deeply. We may say we are just doing it out of ease, that it doesn’t really matter, but it does matter a great deal when you are placing your own comfort above the trust your partner has in you to be open and honest with them.

The truth can sometimes hurt at first because a wound or mistake is being revealed. In the act of revealing the wound, there are two potential paths: Either the wound becomes worse, or it is given the opportunity to heal.

Share

It takes a lot of strength to come forward with the truth because it can feel risky—especially if the truth is a big one. But ultimately, revealing the truth gives you the opportunity to connect more deeply and vulnerably and to live more peacefully after everything is settled, as opposed to living with the tension of a lie.

The advantage of living with the truth is that you can enhance your partnership deeply. Lies create distance between you and yourself and you and your partner. Being honest in your relationship helps you double down on openness and it deepens your understanding of each other. To make your union stronger, you need to give each other your vulnerability.

Being able to see each other’s mistakes and raw emotions allows you to process your lives together at a deeper level. The basic truth is that you two cannot fully understand each other if you are not being honest with each other. Communication is not happening if the truth is miss­ing; if one person is lying, that is called deception.

Without honesty there cannot be trust and without trust the feeling of safety that you give each other will melt away. Lies stop your relationship from evolving. They are also a sign that you don’t fully trust your partner and that you per­ceive them as unaccepting.

This excerpt is from my new book How to Love Better, which is temporarily 53% off the original price.

A screenshot from my Ready Together app. Love it when my wife and I are both in sync!

Try Ready Together for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

When you understand your health, you can take better care of yourself and have more time on this earth with the people you love.

I love Function Health because it gives me access to 100+ lab tests and detailed insights from licensed clinicians. This helps me make better choices to support both my mind and body. Click here to try Function with a $100 credit toward your membership.

One of the most toxic ideas that grips our minds is perfection. We expect it, we crave it, we wish to see it in our lives and relationships, but reality and the idea of perfection are in a constant state of friction.

Reality is ever-changing. It is transformation combined with unpredictability. Perfection is the opposite. It is an attempt to control and keep things within the boundaries of a certain mental image. Reality is a flowing river. Perfection is a static painting.

Subscribe now

In a society based on speed and productivity, moving slowly is a radical act. We get so caught up in moving at a fast pace because of a fear of falling behind. We do not realize how the need to rush is often self-imposed. We are partially motivated by what we think others are doing, but these thoughts are not fully based in reality. They are largely the creation of our own imagination.

Our human habit has an attachment to hierarchy and the desire not to be at the bottom of it. The perception of hierarchy is something that we even impose on growth, healing, and wisdom as we measure ourselves against others to see “who is better” or “who is ahead.”

The attachment to speed and hierarchy is a sickness of the ego. There is nothing wrong with having goals and accomplishing great things, but when we are primarily consumed with being ahead of others, we are no longer working with a balanced mind and we are causing ourselves suffering through the process. Is it really a win if all the way through you suffered under all this self-imposed mental tension? Working and creating without attachment, making things for your own good and the good of others, moving without strict time limits, finding the balance between being committed and not causing yourself tension—this is how the brave and wise move through life.

Share

When the body is tired, the mind can quickly get defensive. When we repeatedly push ourselves to get a lot done, we forget to prioritize proper rest. Getting caught in a cycle of constant productivity uses up our inner reserves and sometimes even pushes our mind out of balance.

The tension in the mind that builds up from exhaustion can easily morph into narratives of worry or into fake stories that further agitate the mind. When we are tired (or hungry), it is easy for the mind to jump to conclusions or lose its patience with other people. There is nothing wrong with working hard and being effective, but make sure you are nourishing your well-being by making time to rest. When you respect your need to rest, your journey forward will be much smoother.

This excerpt is from my book Lighter, which is temporarily 52% off the original price on Amazon.

Ready Together can help you see your partner better and reduce arguments. I honestly designed it for my wife and I. Fortunately, she is loving it!

She told me, “I have cut out all social media, but Ready Together feels like the opposite of this, it’s been so grounding and empowering. It’s the only app I want to get notifications for.”

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

Here is a screenshot from one of our shared vibes on Ready Together:

I designed the daily check-ins in Ready Together as a way to help you see your partner better and to reduce arguments. I honestly designed it for my wife and I. Fortunately, she is loving it!

She told me, “I have cut out all social media, but Ready Together feels like the opposite of this, it’s been so grounding and empowering. It’s the only app I want to get notifications for.”

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

A strong need for boundaries will feel natural once your healing is underway. The emergence of the new you will be fragile at first—it will need fortification and space to fully mature. Boundaries will play a big role in giving you the shield you need from the world as you go through your metamorphosis. A boundary is a form of protection that helps you stay aligned with who you are becoming.

Subscribe now

Think of boundaries not just as a way to reclaim your power, but as a way to intentionally design your life. Once we start observing ourselves, we will see that a lack of boundaries made life harder in the past.

Taking your healing seriously makes you more selective about who you give your time to. The people you are around will undoubtedly affect you. Moods do not just sit within us. They impact our thoughts, words, and actions, and set the tone for the energy in a room.

Not only should you be aware of the energy you are giving off, but you should also recognize the energies that you are allowing into your space. Ultimately, it is your perception and reactions that condition your mind and have the biggest impact on how you feel, but you do not help yourself by entering environments that feed old patterns you are working on breaking.

Share

Distancing yourself from situations that weigh you down is essential if you want to protect the new you that you are in the midst of cultivating. You can do this in a way that lets you honor your truth while not being rude, by saying, “I’m sorry, this is not for me” or “That wouldn’t be good for me right now.”

As you continue reaffirming your inner wholeness, what people say or do will have less of an impact on you. Being able to move through life while staying in alignment with how you want to feel and behave is a sign of great maturity.

Building boundaries that are useful in the moment and checking in with ourselves to reassess and change them as needed are essential to this process. Building boundaries is different from building a wall.

A wall can easily become a block that keeps us from evolving and learning how to deal with difficult interpersonal situations, while healthy boundaries will support our well-being. A wall is a long-lasting attempt to run away, to shield ourselves from difficult feelings, but a boundary is a temporary need for space that morphs as your inner world matures.

There is nothing wrong with defending yourself and removing from your life those who cause you harm, but it is ultimately impossible to remove all challenges from our lives. Our energy is best used trying to enhance our patience and problem-solving skills so that we can solve issues whenever they arise.

Each individual will have to find their own balance with boundaries, to see where they are needed and where they are excessive. No one knows your life the way you do and no one will know your needs at any given time unless you make them clear to yourself and to those in your proximity. You have the right to design your space in a way that helps you thrive.

This excerpt is from my book Lighter, which is temporarily 52% off the original price on Amazon.

You can use the Ready Together app with your partner. It is designed to support you on the journey of your relationship.

On the Ready Together app, you can:

• Do daily check-ins to help you connect and grow together

• Strengthen trust and communication

• Share your energy level and emotions

• Practice relational intelligence skills to deepen your connection

• Send love notes for clear appreciation

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

There is a lot to learn on Ready Together, do the lessons with your partner or on your own.

She told me, “Ready Together is the only app I want to get notifications from.”

Try Ready Together for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

The changes in your mind and heart will reverberate outward into all facets of your life. First it will start within you, meaning your perception and your relationship with the ups and downs of your mind and life. Then the changes will trickle out into your inner circle, even if the people around you are not trying to intentionally transform themselves.

Share

The shifts in your behavior will make old, long-lasting relationships feel new, and, when you change the way you behave with those closest to you, those shifts will cause them to reassess how they want to respond in turn. Sometimes people will fear the changes and other times they will be inspired by your growth and find the changes refreshing, which helps them muster the courage to step outside of how they normally used to do things with you.

My relationship with my father changed immensely once I started going through my own transformation. The two of us were always close, but there was a distance between us because neither of us had a strong connection with our emotions. Our relationship was real, but it could have benefited from more depth.

Subscribe now

His love for our family has always been profound; however, he mainly showed it through how much effort he put into making sure that we had a home and food. My father was the one who brought our family to the United States; he led the charge so that our family could take a leap forward. And I never doubted his love for me—it was evident in how tirelessly he worked so that we could have our immediate needs met.

When I started healing my mind and deepening my connection with truth, I found so much love and gratitude for him and all that he had done for us. And I knew that the mix of him having a tougher childhood than I had, combined with the uphill battle of being a poor immigrant, had hardened him over time. He did not express his love for us too often and he was not one for many hugs. Soon after I started meditating, I mustered the courage to try to change the patterns in our relationship.

One day, when he came home from work, I gave him a big hug, and that hug was the start of hugging him more often and telling him that I love him. The love I was giving him softened his walls, which had built up over time. He started telling me he loved me as well and slowly revealed more of his story.

My expression of vulnerability changed our dynamic. He began opening up and it felt like he became much more authentic and even more youthful. Not only did he start hugging me, but he started hugging others in our family and telling everyone he loves them. He did not feel the need to quietly carry the burden of his down moments alone anymore. A hug and three short words forever changed our relationship. They opened so many new avenues of depth and, to this day, our relationship continues to flower as we figure out life together.

This excerpt is from my book Lighter, which is temporarily 52% off the original price on Amazon.

An incredible new nonprofit called ENOUGH has just launched. ENOUGH is all about embracing your self-worth. I wear my bracelet as a reminder that I don’t need to be anyone else or do anything else to be enough. I am enough exactly as I am, without fulfilling any inner or outer expectations. You are enough exactly as you are. We are enough exactly as we are. Accepting ourselves exactly as we are in this moment, flaws and all, helps us take the pressure off ourselves, take small, incremental steps forward, and have compassion for all beings.

100% of all profits from ENOUGH go to mental health organizations transforming and saving lives everyday.

One of the easiest ways to support this great org is by giving them a follow on IG.

I designed the daily check-ins in Ready Together as a way to help you see your partner better and to reduce arguments. I honestly designed it for my wife and I. Fortunately, she is loving it!

She told me, “I have cut out all social media, but Ready Together feels like the opposite of this, it’s been so grounding and empowering. It’s the only app I want to get notifications for.”

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

A rise in inner wisdom causes massive waves of change in our perception of ourselves and the world. The greatest truth that opens the door to happiness is the undeniable role that change plays in all of existence. The more we understand change, the happier we can become.

Most of our old inner struggles revolved around our superficial understanding of change—we saw it as something slow and outside of us, without realizing that it is the fundamental essence of who we are. Without change, nothing would exist, and because of change we have the opportunity to temporarily be.

Subscribe now

Change allows the existence of human life itself. The truth of change lies at the core of the human condition. Not only are we rapidly changing at the atomic level, but all aspects that compose our mind are in a state of movement. Anything that is moving is in a state of change. If you take this truth to subtle levels, it reveals that who we are is a momentary construction, a series of rapid combinations that come together to create the image of our existence.

We are an amalgam of great complexity, moving at incredible speed. To ourselves we feel real, but the true nature of our reality is fundamentally in flux. Which one of your atoms is you? Which constantly changing mental state is you? Which fleeting experience is you? If you were to pull all these aspects apart, which one of them would be you? Our existence is more akin to a moving river: Though the river is there, it is in a constant state of transformation. By the time you point to one part of the river and say that it is the river, the rushing waters will have already changed. Human beings have that same property, even though it is hard for our eyes and minds to fully grasp this concept.

The truth that who we are is not fundamentally substantial or static, and that our ego is incredibly fleeting and illusory, may feel daunting. The ego screams and says, “Surely I exist.”

Share

Having to always buttress who we are, to defend the image we hold in our mind, is a constant source of stress. “I” is helpful at the conventional level because, yes, you and I are here and we have to deal with the realities of everyday life. But at the ultimate level, “I” is not real, and letting go of it within the quiet of your mind actually opens you up to the flexibility that you need to cultivate real peace.

Letting go of “I” will open you up to your real strength, to the finest qualities that the human mind is composed of. What the Buddha called the “heavenly abodes,” or the “Brahma Viharas”—the qualities of love, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity—flourish and expand in the absence of “I.”

This excerpt is from my book Lighter, which is temporarily 52% off the original price on Amazon.

Screenshots from my Ready Together app. The check-ins really help me see how I am flowing through the week.

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

When you understand your health, you can take better care of yourself and have more time on this earth with the people you love.

I love Function Health because it gives me access to 100+ lab tests and detailed insights from licensed clinicians. This helps me make better choices to support both my mind and body. Click here to try Function with a $100 credit toward your membership.

Excerpt from How to Love Better (53% off and can arrive before Christmas if you order today)

The mind is geared toward judgment and unclear perception. The mind normally struggles to witness the present as it is because it is filtering reality through the heavily conditioned past; this creates great difficulty in daily life. Having part of your mind here and part of your mind still battling the past is a great source of inner tension.

The glaring truth is that this is a struggle that is pervasive throughout humanity. If you have a mind, then much of it will be clinging to the past. Granted, the past is useful in the sense that it is informative and it can help us make sense of the world, avoid prior mistakes, and make better behavioral choices, but when we are deeply attached to the past, either through craving something in particular or by feeling the deep aversion that comes up with trauma, genuinely being in the present becomes a massive battle. This is a common difficulty and roadblock of the human experience.

Subscribe now

Before I began meditating, I struggled with this terribly, my mind could barely sit in the present moment. It was constantly judging, reacting, and jumping between craving and aversion. Everything I witnessed was quickly filtered through my heavy past. Anytime I felt threatened, my reactions were loud and overly defensive. This was creating great tension in my relationship with Sara because my past was constantly on a mission to block a peaceful present from existing. When we would speak, I could barely listen and was too focused on my own points.

Whenever our conversations got too serious, I felt the rush of anxiety in my body and my thought patterns turned negative and defensive. Fear would fill my perspective and I would try my best to avoid responsibility. Even though we were just speaking, it felt like I was in genuine danger. This made it so that our conversations could barely break through the surface, if at all. For the first few years of our relationship, it felt as if we were stuck at the beginning, finding joy and comfort in each other’s presence, but without the deeper emotional connection that comes from gifting each other our vulnerability. Little did I know at the time that to be vulnerable one has to have the strength to overcome the franticness of survival mode and defensiveness.

Meditation changed this for me because it focused directly on mental training and letting go. It taught me to befriend the present moment and to do my best to observe it objectively. Much of this involved simply bringing my attention back to what is, as opposed to letting my perception project the past onto whatever I was encountering.

Share

This repetition of intentionally moving my attention slowly cultivated my weak mental muscles. As I practiced giving attention to the present moment, I became able to listen to Sara in a more selfless manner. When hard conversations would arise, the impulse to run or be defensive was still there, but I now had the training to bring my attention back to the conversation and do my best to observe what was happening without throwing my old judgments onto the situation. Cultivating present moment awareness opened the door to deeper connection within myself and with her. Listening takes a lot of strength, especially when you are listening to understand as opposed to listening to respond.

Fortunately, healing is possible; ways to alleviate past trauma and hurt are becoming more widely accessible, and methods for repatterning the mind in ways that are more conducive to mental clarity are becoming more abundant.

This is one of the reasons why I built Ready Together, so that couples can build self-awareness and step forward with kindness. I designed the daily check-in as a way to help you see your partner better with the aim of reducing arguments. I honestly designed it for my wife and I. Fortunately, she is loving it!

She told me, “I have cut out all social media, but Ready Together feels like the opposite of this, it’s been so grounding and empowering. It’s the only app I want to get notifications for.”

Try it for free worldwide and make sure to invite your partner so you can do the check-ins together.

There is still time for my last two books to arrive before Christmas.

You can get How to Love Better for 53% off on Amazon and The Way Forward is 56% off. The Way Forward is stunningly only 7 bucks right now.

Sending love to you all!

Try Ready Together Now For Free

Relationships begin with connection, but the deep work starts right after that as you learn how to love each other. Love does not just happen on its own; you build it with gentle intention. This means unpacking your emotional history, sharing how you like your happiness to be supported, and having meaningful conversations that help you see each other clearly.

You can use the Ready Together app with your partner. It is designed to support you on the journey of your relationship.

On the Ready Together app, you can:

• Do daily check-ins to help you connect and grow together

• Strengthen trust and communication

• Share your energy level and emotions

• Practice relational intelligence skills to deepen your connection

• Send love notes for clear appreciation

  Share

Love does not fix everything, and it does not arrive with perfection. Love is simply a sign of how important someone is to you, but what comes after that is learning how to care for them. Care is not immediate; it requires gradual and intentional learning so that you can better understand the shape of your partner’s mind.

Ready Together is separate from Ready Dating because I wanted to create a special space that helps couples and individuals dive deep into expanding their emotional skill set so they can show up well in a relationship.

I’ve been working hard on building Ready Together with an amazing team for over two years. I hope Ready Together serves you well.

Download Ready Together Now Worldwide

Here is an idea of how Ready Together looks inside:

Download Ready Together Now Worldwide