12 Lessons From 12 Years of Serious Meditation
Being able to see perspectives outside of your own is a sign of intelligence and mental strength
My new book The Way Forward is having the biggest sale it has ever had, and really the biggest sale any of my books have had.
It is 50% off on Amazon. Deals this big usually don’t last long. I wish I could tell you when it ends but I do not control the price. Great time to get a copy for a friend. Thank you for your support!
The amazing thing about the time we live in today is that there are a bountiful number of modalities that can help you transform your life. Even within my own circle, I have seen family and friends benefit greatly from different forms of therapy, psychiatry, meditation, and lifestyle changes that build greater self-awareness. Solutions are out there, the challenge is finding something that clicks with your intuition, meets you where you are at, and helps you get genuine benefits that help transform your behaviors for the better.
I feel fortunate that I was able to find what works for me when I was 24 years old. There exists a wide variety of meditations; different traditions, each with their own goals, understandings, and techniques. Thanks to my good friend Sam, I learned about a style of Vipassana meditation that fit my conditioning perfectly, it helped me develop the qualities that I was seriously lacking. It helped give my life direction and placed me on a path that leads to freedom. Explicitly, freedom from the suffering we cause ourselves by unconsciously reacting and incessantly craving.
The biggest thing I have gotten from these 12 years of delving deeply into meditation is balance. The mind will jump from extreme to extreme unless you train it to understand subtlety, it will crave instead of developing conscious goals, it will hate instead of having compassion and building boundaries, it will try to control everything instead of embracing change. All the long meditation retreats I have been to and having a daily meditation practice have helped me greatly. I still have much to learn and to let go of, but I can tell the time and effort I have put in has been worth it because my mind is lighter than before and it reacts with less intensity than it used to.
The following are 12 lessons I have learned from 12 years of serious meditation:
Those who hurt have been hurt. Hurt is passed down from one person to another, like this, pain spreads through the web of humanity. People who learn to heal themselves are points in the web of humanity where hurt is decreased and where it is less likely for new hurt to spread to another person. Having a mindset where you do your best to not harm those who cross your path makes the world a more peaceful place.
Ego and the sense of self are not fundamentally real. Our sense of identity is created by the rapid movements of the mind. Division and hierarchy are mental constructs. Being attached to our sense of self is being attached to an illusion. Instead of living from a place of ego, live from a place of compassion for yourself and all beings. Living from compassion is a road that leads to thriving, living from ego leads to repeating your past and remaining in a survivalist mentality. It also leads to excessive blaming where you try to reason out how things are never your fault.
Surround yourself with people who have the qualities you want to develop. This will make your growth process easier because your friend group will have the culture that will promote the qualities you are actively building. Being around people who inspire you can help you feel energized to continue onward with your goals. Building your own habits helps of course, but you don’t have to do everything alone. Being around friends who are moving in the same direction you want to move in will propel you forward more quickly.
Your present is created by your past actions. The vibe you are putting out into the world is also formed by your actions. If you want to change your life, you need to take a serious look at the actions that are shaping it. Use the power of choice to intentionally design what your future looks like. In the present moment is where your power lies. Your past is also influencing the way you are perceiving the present, be aware that your perception is trying to get you to react in the ways you did before. It takes intentional practice to break from the past and fully embrace the present as it is.
Intentionally living your life in a way where you are not trying to harm others and actively working on expanding your compassion for all beings will directly support your inner peace. A mind that hates and acts on ill-will naturally struggles. When you deeply understand the power of love, you will see that no one is your enemy.
Having boundaries will help your growth flourish. Knowing what is not for you and not being influenced by others to partake in things that weigh down your mind will support you in cultivating the best version of yourself. Speaking up for yourself, being mindful of your own capacity, saying no when it feels right to do so, listening to your intuition about who and what you should give your energy to are ways that you define the space of your life. If you don’t like someone you don’t have to be around them, you can wish them the best in your mind and go along your own way.
Being able to see perspectives outside of your own is a sign of intelligence and mental strength. This is a skill that helps bring harmony to interpersonal situations. When you can place yourselves in other people’s shoes and see things from their vantage point, it will help you understand where they are coming from, and it will stir up your compassion.
You will not realize how strong you truly are until you push yourself. Everyone is born with determination, but the way you choose to live your life can help strengthen that characteristic. You can take the strength that you build from one challenge and use it in other parts of your life. You are much stronger than you think, once you tap into that so much more becomes possible.
Having a fluid sense of identity, where you allow yourself to change, leads to a happier life because you are moving with the natural flow of change as opposed to against it. You exist because of change. When you think about who you are at the ultimate level, you are essentially the coming together of physical and mental phenomena at incredibly fast speeds, from the cellular down to the subatomic, everything about you is in motion. This should inspire you to allow your preferences, likes, and dislikes to evolve over time. Don’t be attached to the old you, let the new you emerge.
Trying to control everything is a recipe for great mental tension. The attachments in your mind will manifest as the attempt to control things in your daily life. Understanding that you can only control your own actions is necessary to establish inner peace. Of course, we can influence each other but we cannot design each other’s lives. The attachments in your mind manifest as the attempt to control in daily life. Let go often if you want to really know what peace feels like.
Setting time and space aside so you can work on yourself is not selfish, it is actually a great gift you give to yourself and to those around you. Seeing your life as a growth journey will require you to be aware of what you need to cultivate, and it will give you the courage to say no to things so you can do so. There is always a tradeoff, but the energy you put into working on yourself will help you be much more present, caring, and confident when you are around friends and family.
Deep inner struggle comes from having a bad relationship with change. If you hate change, your mind will be full of tension. The entirety of reality is just one enormous river of change, fighting against that is a battle that is bound to be lost. Embracing change is the key to happiness and wisdom, it will also help you appreciate all the little things and the people in your daily life. Embracing change helps you stay in your gratitude. Embracing change helps your mind remain in its balance.
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Podcast:
I had a really great conversation with my friend Cecily the other day about living life without alcohol, self-awareness, growth and much more. It felt like such a refreshing convo. Hope this one serves you well. You can listen to it here.
Clip from Pod:
Thank you for these. Excellent reminders ☮️